A number of films were playing in theaters when the events of "Hell Rising" began. Mention of these films can be found on posters outside several theatres.
Vampiric nurses are on the loose in the halls of St. Felicia Hospital. Patients on the mend are suddenly dropping dead, and only one EMT knows the reason. Sexy thrills and blood-curdling chills are just what the doctor ordered. Bled Dry marked the feature film debut of former porn star Lacey Frills.
- Doctor Vladberg: Something very strange is going on in this hospital. Something very strange and very evil.
- Vampire Nurse #2: Perhaps THIS will take your mind off of it!
- Doctor Vladberg: Nurse, please! I... I'm trying to sew up a patient...
- Doctor Vladberg: Alright, son. Lie still. A Nurse will be in to draw some blood.
- Patient: "A Nurse"? There's already... been like... five of them...
- (Patient falls over, dead.)
Anastasie is young woman who lives in a run-down shack with the dessicated bodies of her grandparents. The local townsfolk always seem to cause problems for Anastasie, but little do they know that every time she picks a wildflower, one of them dies. This foreign film went largely unnoticed in Twilight theatres. The fact that the last twenty minutes are silent claymation did not seem to help matters.
Death of the Undying DeadEdit
This remake of the classic reimagining of the original sequel to "Undying Dead" follows a doomed group of survivors as they battle back hordes of the undead. Critics largely panned this film for its overuse of exploding zombie heads (125 total) and casting of little-known rap artists in major roles.
- Laura: I've seen them. It's as if they're dead... and yet... undying.
- Stephen: Don't talk like that. I'm sure it's just a prank.
- (Stephen is attacked by zombies and eaten)
- Gary: Alright, undying dead...
- (Gary lifts a nail gun in one hand, a sledgehammer in the other)
- Gary: ...Time to die!
The new diet craze is a handy pill that implants genetically engineered parasites in your intestines. At first it keeps customers thin and happy, but as time progresses the creatures become more and more demanding. The price of beauty just might be your life. The on-set death of one of this film's stars placed a stigma on the production. It ended up adversely affecting the film at the box office.
- Marion: Hungry... Give me something to eat. Anything!
- Henry: Marion please! No, for God's sake not the Monet!!
A young couple has just bought their nightmare house. The former owner, known in the papers as "The Lockmaster", has escaped from prison and has some unfinished buiness to attend to. Psychological horror merges with scenes of extreme torture in this shocking gore-fest. Theatre audiences were given joke "Barf Bags" upon purchasing tickets to this film. Several reports surfaced in which viewers emerged mid-film to request a second or third bag.
In an old house on top of the hill, a family discovers an ancient evil resting within the darkened, cobwebbed attic. The Moths have been feasting on the old clothes of a murdered mental patient, and now they're ready to play. Insect rights activists closed down production of this film for four days until it was explained that no real moths were to be used in the production.
- Eric: Get yourself together, woman. We'll stay here in the basement until daybreak. What's the worst they can do up there?
- Tara: Eric... your Mickey Mantle jersey...
- Eric: NOOOOOOOOO!!!
- (Eric bolts up the stairs, throws open the basement door, and runs out into a cloud of moths)
- Tara: Let's go. Quickly! While that bare light bulb has their attention!
One Last SunsetEdit
When a terminal disease strikes a notorious wild west outlaw, he has to make amends. Now he has until the next sunset to clean up Drywater Gulch... by taking down the members of his own gang. If he doesn't die in a hail of bullets, the mysterious sickness will claim him by nightfall, so this cowpoke has nothing to lose. Several anachronisms plagued this film, the most obvious being the character Patch-Eye Pete's clearly visible Betty Paige tattoo.
The latest film from writer/director Bennigan K. Whitcomb, The Panel explores the human condition and the slow descent into madness amid an urban wasteland. When an out of work actor rents a seedy apartment in a bad neighborhood, he soon discovers a single, ornately decorated panel. This panel does not match others that make up the wall, and he quickly falls into a mind-bending obsession with it. The "shocking" ending of this film was leaked to the internet five days into shooting, making it the fastest reveal of one of Whitcomb's patented twists.
- Whitney: You've got to stop. This has to end. I hardly recognize you anymore! Don't you remember what you said to me when we got engaged? You promised you'd be there for me always... that you'd never let anything pull us apart! If you love me you'll stop this right now!
- Reggie: Look out, you're blocking the panel!
Pickaxe 3: Return to Murder FallsEdit
This gruesome horror film centers on the notorious "Pickaxe Killer" who leaves a bloody wake of corpses as he annually terrorizes the sleepy town of Murder Falls. Supposedly the final installment in the trilogy, though "Pickaxe 4" began production shortly after the film wrapped.
- Sheriff: Murder?! There hasn't been a murder in Murder Falls since the infamous Murder Falls murders is the Fall of '76!
- Roy: You have to let me out of this asylum, Doc! You don't understand! The Pickaxe Killer is back in Murder Falls!!
- Psychiatrist: YOU'RE F***ING SH***ING ME.
This dark comedy follows the President of the United States as he is bitten by a protestor, and soon discovers he's been given the curse of the wolfman. Wacky events unfold as the President kisses babies by day, and stalks his fellow Americans by night. This film won an award on the web for "most continuity goofs" and was a strong candidate for "least funny film of the year". (By a slim margin, the latter award went to a documentary on global starvation.)
- President Lycanson: What do you mean I'm turning into a wolfman?!
- Secretary of State: Look! Look at your hands! They're hairy!
- President Lycanson: Hey, what I do in my private time is none of your business.
- Victim: Oh! President Lycanson? Wh...what are you doing? We always vote Democrat here...
- President Lycanson: Well this is a RED state now!
- Victim: AAAIIEEEE!!!!
Sports Duck 2: Hoosier MallardEdit
Where does it say a duck can't play college basketball?? When Quackers (the atheletic fowl with a heart of gold) migrates to college, he finds a basketball team in serious trouble! It's time for the feathers to fly! Can Quackers single-wingedly take this rag-tag bunch of losers to the championship? Sports Duck 2 used a total of thirteen different ducks to play the role of Quackers. Each was trained in one specific area of the game, and five severe injuries were reported.
Warriors of the Scroll: Inception of the UnificationEdit
The Unification is about to come into existence thanks to a referendum as proposed by a panel of medieval noblemen. Its effects will be felt across the realm as economies flourish and taxes hit record lows. However, the evil Lord Dydinblud is gathering signatures to repeal its inception! This film was the first installment of a trilogy based on the "Warriors of the Scroll" books by H.K.K. Perlman. Filled with stunning CGI effects and imaginative creature designs, the film broke box office records. Soon after its release, however, its position was usurped by a buddy comedy about vomiting robots.